I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
