Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
