how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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