I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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