a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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