I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
