My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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