So drunk its hurt
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
