I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
