Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
