Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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