even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I look better un-naked...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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