I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
