Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
