I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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