i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
