you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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