Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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