There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
