Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
