On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
