Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
