I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
