I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
