whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
