Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
