Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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