Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
