come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
