dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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