I cannot find my penis.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
