My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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