i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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