She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize