Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
