I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
