4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
