bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
