you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize