a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
