I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
