mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
