Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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