Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
