In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
