i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize