the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize