Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
