I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
