also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
