i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
