Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
