If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
