"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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