If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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