why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Randomize
