Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
