Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Randomize
