I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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