Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
