I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
