hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
