man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize