I CAN MOONWALK!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
