Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize