Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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