she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
