Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
