I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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