Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
