I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
