This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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