she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
