I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
